school. pop culture. my life in general. and chuck bass.

more citizen kane moments May 13, 2009

Filed under: school — motherchuckerr @ 7:11 am
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As predicted, our “english” class is still struggling with finishing Citizen Kane on dvd. And Mrs. F never fails to impress the students. Well, technically, her failure excites us, but, whatever.

This is the scene where the newspaper reporter was in a library, and was talking to the “librarian”.

Mrs. F: (pausing the movie) Look at her, she‘s a librarian, she doesn’t even look like a woman! Her haircut and her voice, all the features are very unladylike.. I’m not even sure if she’s a woman to begin…

Me: (cutting her preach) Damn tranny!

The whole class went silent. Partly because they don’t understand what ‘tranny’ meant, others are actually dignified enough to not make jokes about some abnormal minority groups.

Mrs. F: (to everyone’s surprise) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, good one!

She was the only one laughing. And it lasted for a whole minute. 60 fucking seconds of a true jewish laughter.

Our fellow classmate, Ray was asking a question.

Ray: (pointing at the old and the young Charles Kane) Are they the same actors?

Mrs. F: Why yes! Isn’t it incredible, make up can do a lot of wonderful things! It’s a wonder. Look at vogue magazine, and…

Me: (cutting, again) That ain’t make up. That’s photoshop.

Mrs. F: (annoyed) What?!

Me: Photoshop. You know. Using computers and all. (everyone started laughing)

Mrs. F: Gosh, I knew that, I’m not that old.

But you are Mrs. F, you smell like graveyards dirt.

Later, Mrs. F tried to explain what ‘foreground’ meant, even though nobody cared.

Mrs. F: (struggling) Foreground is, uh, gosh, it will be easier if I had a picture or a portrait…

Me: (showing her this picture i had inside my diary) I’ve got a picture. Look.

Mrs. F: (shrugs off) No, that’s not good enough.

Me: Excuse me?!

Mrs. F: (not showing any “sorry face”) I’m sorry, who is that anyway?

Me: (totally pissed off because she dissed my Tyra) My MOTHER!

Ah, I should’ve said YOUR mother, Mrs. F.


Citizen Kane May 11, 2009

Filed under: school — motherchuckerr @ 9:46 am
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We were in English, with Mrs. F, and we’re about to watch the epic film noir titled ‘Citizen Kane’ for the second time. As usual, everyone (by everyone I mean my mate Achok and me) starts hatin’ on the teach. Strands of ‘fail’ conversations regarding the topic really made my day. Here, enjoy.

Everyone was complaining how they couldn’t remember far back, about the movie.

Mrs. F : (with a really annoying tone) You kids should get a copy from the video shop or something, honestly, they’re only ten, fifteen bucks a pop!

Achok: Yeah but that’s still money, you know! (followed by my giggle)

Mrs. F: (directly to Achok) YOU spend dollars and dollars buying clothes and make ups and CDs, oh whatever you kids buy these days…

Achok: (calmly) Well I buy my clothes in second hand shops.

Mrs. F: (mocking) Yeah but that’s still money, you know!

Achok: (scoff) In my case, it’s worth it (my laughter couldn’t be contained anymore)

Mrs. F then handed in some photocopied papers, supposedly about the movie.

Me: (looking at the handout) You spelled Citizen Kane wrong.

Mrs. F: That’s nonsense, what do you mean I (looking at the handout)… oh.

She wrote CITZEN KANE.

Mrs. F decided that it’s time to play the goddamn DVD already.

They were showing a footage of some liquid iron or coal.. being poured into a bowl in some factory.

Achok: Oh my God, is that milk?

Mrs. F stopped the movie after two scenes and tried to make us answer her lame questions regarding the movie.

Mrs. F: Okay, question one, what is Xanadu?

Me: Isn’t that like that song by Olivia Newton John?

Mrs. F: (got excited and carried away, starts singing Xanadu)

After 45 minutes of laughable torture…

Mrs. F: Wait. Is anyone missing? (looking around the class)

Me: Yeah, Nakisah isn’t here.

Mrs. F: Oops. (runs down the corridor, realizing she marked the role wrong)

In simpler words: Mrs. F can’t teach for shit.