Motherchuckerr!

school. pop culture. my life in general. and chuck bass.

oh? June 1, 2009

Filed under: school — motherchuckerr @ 5:01 pm
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This is another proof that my teacher, Mrs F, is secretly a menopausal donkey dressed in wrinkly Jew skin, complimented by a “hair-loss” haircut.

Today, because I arrived late – as usual – I didn’t realize that I was supposed to finish the remaining of my Citizen Kane essay. Thanks to Achok (whom I personally think is the black girl who gets away with anything, she has this black magic powers, seriously), I was aware of my responsibily and informed Mrs F about the matter.

I said, “Hey, I haven’t finished that Citizen Kane essay too, can I do it now?”

Mrs. F stared at me for a while, checked her folder, and then said, “Oh? I thought you finished it.”

“No, (bitch) I haven’t,” I grunted.

Mrs. F pulled my essay out of her folder and looked at it. She, looking away, said, “But I’ve marked it already. It was brilliant.”

I looked at my papers and I see this ugly piece of writing on it, with cheap red ink that says, “48/50”

Seriously, what kind of a teacher are you? I haven’t even finished the bloody essay yet! Didn’t you realize that shit?!

Oh but thanks for the A+ anyway.  You’re still a failure though, Mrs F, my essay was like poopy shit. And you give THAT a 48? Wow. She’s beyond stupid eh.

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more citizen kane moments May 13, 2009

Filed under: school — motherchuckerr @ 7:11 am
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As predicted, our “english” class is still struggling with finishing Citizen Kane on dvd. And Mrs. F never fails to impress the students. Well, technically, her failure excites us, but, whatever.

This is the scene where the newspaper reporter was in a library, and was talking to the “librarian”.

Mrs. F: (pausing the movie) Look at her, she‘s a librarian, she doesn’t even look like a woman! Her haircut and her voice, all the features are very unladylike.. I’m not even sure if she’s a woman to begin…

Me: (cutting her preach) Damn tranny!

The whole class went silent. Partly because they don’t understand what ‘tranny’ meant, others are actually dignified enough to not make jokes about some abnormal minority groups.

Mrs. F: (to everyone’s surprise) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, good one!

She was the only one laughing. And it lasted for a whole minute. 60 fucking seconds of a true jewish laughter.


Our fellow classmate, Ray was asking a question.

Ray: (pointing at the old and the young Charles Kane) Are they the same actors?

Mrs. F: Why yes! Isn’t it incredible, make up can do a lot of wonderful things! It’s a wonder. Look at vogue magazine, and…

Me: (cutting, again) That ain’t make up. That’s photoshop.

Mrs. F: (annoyed) What?!

Me: Photoshop. You know. Using computers and all. (everyone started laughing)

Mrs. F: Gosh, I knew that, I’m not that old.

But you are Mrs. F, you smell like graveyards dirt.

Later, Mrs. F tried to explain what ‘foreground’ meant, even though nobody cared.

Mrs. F: (struggling) Foreground is, uh, gosh, it will be easier if I had a picture or a portrait…

Me: (showing her this picture i had inside my diary) I’ve got a picture. Look.

Mrs. F: (shrugs off) No, that’s not good enough.

Me: Excuse me?!

Mrs. F: (not showing any “sorry face”) I’m sorry, who is that anyway?

Me: (totally pissed off because she dissed my Tyra) My MOTHER!

Ah, I should’ve said YOUR mother, Mrs. F.

 

the vapponator May 12, 2009

Filed under: acts of fail,school — motherchuckerr @ 8:55 am
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We have this male specimen.. uh.. I mean, this dude, who is apparently, supposed to be our new media teacher. He’s terribly young and awkward and he performs acts of fail on a regular basis.

His recent stunts were this magical, private world for the class on the internet called wikispaces. His enthusiasm towards the lame, so-called “new technology” amuses the whole media class.

Vappy or “the vapponator” has been tweaking around wikispaces, here’s a preview of how sad and disturbing it is…

media

There’s a creepy Dexter Morgan (from the awesome tv hit Dexter, a psychopath, basically, if you’re not aware of his existence) holding a knife (yes, a WEAPON, in a school-related site) looking over you while you’re checking your overdue homework for the week.

Also, there is this annoying gif of a tryhard azn fail ninja carving ‘I LOVE MEDIA’ into some wall. WTF?

The homepage ends in glorious failure with a weird, irrelevant quote from some dickhead we don’t know or care about. Oh, and also the fact that the vapponator will be away due to “professional development’ training. Haha, i think everyone agrees that he desperately needs it.

media 2

Again, we are greeted with Dexter, hmm, maybe it’s a subliminal message from Vappy to force us to do homework? If we don’t then he’ll chop us up, Bay Harbor Butcher style, mothafuka!

Oh, this FAQ page is totally hilarious. We can see here how the vapponator tries to impersonate Dolly Doctor (thanks for the reference and info, http://twitter.com/adriiiiiii). Read it and LOL.

 

Citizen Kane May 11, 2009

Filed under: school — motherchuckerr @ 9:46 am
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We were in English, with Mrs. F, and we’re about to watch the epic film noir titled ‘Citizen Kane’ for the second time. As usual, everyone (by everyone I mean my mate Achok and me) starts hatin’ on the teach. Strands of ‘fail’ conversations regarding the topic really made my day. Here, enjoy.


Everyone was complaining how they couldn’t remember far back, about the movie.

Mrs. F : (with a really annoying tone) You kids should get a copy from the video shop or something, honestly, they’re only ten, fifteen bucks a pop!

Achok: Yeah but that’s still money, you know! (followed by my giggle)

Mrs. F: (directly to Achok) YOU spend dollars and dollars buying clothes and make ups and CDs, oh whatever you kids buy these days…

Achok: (calmly) Well I buy my clothes in second hand shops.

Mrs. F: (mocking) Yeah but that’s still money, you know!

Achok: (scoff) In my case, it’s worth it (my laughter couldn’t be contained anymore)


Mrs. F then handed in some photocopied papers, supposedly about the movie.

Me: (looking at the handout) You spelled Citizen Kane wrong.

Mrs. F: That’s nonsense, what do you mean I (looking at the handout)… oh.

She wrote CITZEN KANE.


Mrs. F decided that it’s time to play the goddamn DVD already.

They were showing a footage of some liquid iron or coal.. being poured into a bowl in some factory.

Achok: Oh my God, is that milk?

Mrs. F stopped the movie after two scenes and tried to make us answer her lame questions regarding the movie.

Mrs. F: Okay, question one, what is Xanadu?

Me: Isn’t that like that song by Olivia Newton John?

Mrs. F: (got excited and carried away, starts singing Xanadu)


After 45 minutes of laughable torture…

Mrs. F: Wait. Is anyone missing? (looking around the class)

Me: Yeah, Nakisah isn’t here.

Mrs. F: Oops. (runs down the corridor, realizing she marked the role wrong)


In simpler words: Mrs. F can’t teach for shit.